Ella

There she is. That's my Ella. Ella Inez Paschal. Isn't she beautiful? Isn't she perfect? My angel.

Ella was born on January 24, 2012, and tragically God took her home before she had even taken her first breath. A full-term and otherwise perfectly healthy baby girl, we lost her to placental abruption (for more information on placental abruption, visit BabyCenter.com - Placental Abruption). I had carried her for the majority of 9 months. I took a positive pregnancy test on June 6 (the day before my birthday), and my due date was January 28th. Early on in the pregnancy, my OBGYN had found that I had placenta previa, a condition in which my placenta was too close to and "blocking" my cervix (see more at BabyCenter.com - Placenta Previa). As I was told, worst-case scenario would be that I would have to have a c-section. Thankfully, by the third trimester, it had corrected itself, as it does in many cases, and everything appeared to be going perfectly. Check-ups and sonograms continuously showed signs of a healthy baby girl. At my final Dr.'s appointment before the birthing process began, my Dr. gave me the option to schedule an induction. I liked the idea of knowing exactly when she would finally be here, and we set my induction for the 26th. On January 21 I went to the hospital to find out that I was having very mild contractions and slowly starting to dilate. On the 24, I went back to the hospital. I had been having excruciating pain in my ribs and back that became increasingly worse throughout the day. Upon examination, it was clear that I was in the beginning stages of labor. This was actually happening! I had an epidural, and all things were going smoothly up until I was dilated to about 7cm. I began to hemorrhage (due to my placenta abruptly separating from my uterine wall. Then we lost her heartbeat. I was rushed into an operating room for an emergency c-section, but by the time they pulled her out of my womb, she had passed.

This is barely scratching the surface of the intimate moments and details that I feel compelled to share. Somewhat of an overview, if you will. Some posts may be difficult for some of you to read. Undoubtedly some will be heart wrenching for me to write. I feel as though this is something I need...HAVE to do. I want to share Ella, as well as my own experiences (especially from but not limited to this past year), in a raw, honest, unapologetic manner. As it is only a little over 8 months that she's been gone, I'm still new on this road to healing. Hope you all enjoy sharing in this journey of mine... my life after Ella.